so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
