He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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