Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
