the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
