Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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