how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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