i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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