So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
