Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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