we made out on top of his cat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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