you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
