How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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