Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
