I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There r osticjed everywhere
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
