he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
