u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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