Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
