not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
