I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
