I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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