oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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