Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
