I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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