ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
