The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
