Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
