i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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