"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
