if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
