Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
3pm strippers are depressing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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