i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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