What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
