I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
