people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
The air taste purple.
Randomize
