hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
