I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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