I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
