Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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