i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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