We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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