the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
