1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
