After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
