I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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