im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
