Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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