I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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