Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
