man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
please come you make the beer taste better
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
