i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
