By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
