Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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