I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
